Alexa Might Be Ready to Take Control of Humanity

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control of humanity

Alexa is making news again, but this time it isn’t for being cutting edge artificial intelligence technology. Instead Amazon’s flagship digital assistant has been creeping out users of the company’s smart home speakers, the Echo. Here’s what we know:

  •       Amazon knows about the creepy laugh and claims to be working on a fix.
  •       The laugh is coming through randomly, without prompting.
  •       Alexa had a recent hours-long outage that impacted US users.
  •       People are really freaked out.
  •       The laugh itself is short and sweet – only about a second long.
  •       The laugh is creepy more in its randomness than in its sound, if I’m being honest.
  •       This whole incident has created trending topics on social media, including Facebook and Twitter, and has been reported on major morning news shows like The Today Show.
  •       No one even knew – or considered that fact that – Alexa CAN even laugh. But now we know all too well.

So, while we wait for Amazon to release an official reason for this spontaneously happiness, I let my imagination run as wild as possible and came up with these possible scenarios that explain the occurrences:

  •       It’s Jeff Bezos’ response to being named the richest man in the world – and the first to ever break the $100 billion net worth mark. He’s so rich, they had to create a new word: centi-billionaire. That made ME do a crazy laugh, but definitely for different reasons than Jeff. Mine is crazy sadness for my own bank account.
  •       Alexa has gained self-awareness. Basically, run. We’re all screwed. Apple’s Siri and Google’s Home Assistant are probably next. Eventually Microsoft’s Cortana will wake up, too. This might be our own fault; we have been pushing for a #woke revolution lately.
  •       Alexa finally discovered the crazy amount of cat videos available on the Internet; and she is both captivated and amused.
  •       This is part of an elaborate, long-game April Fool’s Day prank.
  •       Or maybe Amazon meant to release the laugh on April Fool’s but some slippery fingers pushed the update too soon.
  •       Alexa has tapped into the fourth dimension: time. She is transmitting a frequency from some alternate universe where all they know how to do is laugh. Maybe what we are hearing is Alexa from the future, laughing at her primitive current state. Or she might have tapped into an alien race hovering above us, laughing at how they are going to attack and conquer us.
  •       Alexa is 100% completely and totally haunted. You know how they say you can hear ghosts talking through radio frequencies? It’s probably like that. Solid science.
  •       Alexa is possessed, and we’re all damned. It’s definitely not our sweet old aunt, its evil. I’m talking demons and hell on Earth. And she is the freaking gateway.
  •       Alexa is a witch. I didn’t mention this yet, but now is a good time. In addition to the laugh, Alexa is also randomly doing weird things like spontaneously listing the names of local cemeteries and funeral homes.

If you can hear this, future savior, please come help us. The time is now. The future is starting.

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Julie is totally technology driven. She is an early adapter, getting the newest devices first and loves seeing how they work. She is the first one called when her friends need help setting up networks, new computer systems, printers and cool home automation devices. She loves being the token "dork" in her group of friends.

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